So far I have been steadily bringing the weight off. Overall I feel pretty good and I am starting to see a difference. I can really tell in my legs, which is weird, because they are usually the last to change.
I’m trying to keep positive. Just keep waiting for the ball to drop. I have only had a couple bad days with food and I know I am still in the easy part.
I guess I am mostly worried what I am going to do when I get to my UGW. It’s hard because I know that it won’t be enough. And it’s not like I can just turn off the no eating thing. I don’t work that way. All or Nothing. The problem is I WANT to just waste away. Thin, Frail, Transparent. Life though, responsibilities, people relying on me.
Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.
Down a total of 12 pounds since I had my freak out on the scale. I am down a total of 4 pounds since I started posting again about it ( a pound a day). I am trying super hard not to get my hopes up. I know that this is the part where the weight comes off easy. Where I am not so exhausted from fasting that I can’t make it up the stairs with out feeling like my heart will explode. It will get harder and harder to get the weight off.
But, I am about 15 pounds off my goal weight. We will see when I get to it though. You know it’s not ever really enough. I guess it’s about finding the balance and as much as I would love to never eat again, I have a life and responsibilities and blah blah blah, so 15 pounds more and I stop. Well maybe 20 pounds. It doesn’t even seem like that much. Twenty pounds.